31 Girls, 31 Secrets
by Franchise
Summary: Did you think that Negi Springfield was the only person in his class that had secrets? Guess again.
1. Secrets

1. Sayo Aisaka

The ghost of the classroom also known as Sayo Aisaka did not recall much of her former life due to being a ghost for so long. That is a good thing. When she was alive Sayo was one of the most violent and insane assassins that existed back in the old days. It didn't matter if the target was human, magical, or demon. Any object that entered into her cute palms would become a lethal weapon within seconds. Witnesses to her attacks were scarred for life and usually commented that she seemed to be more evil then her victims. Now that she can interact with her class again and has friends, any enemies should fear the day when Sayo remembers what she is truly capable of.

2. Yuna Akashi

Yuna pretty much likes everyone. Well that is with the exception of one Shizuna Minamoto. Frankly the Mahora teacher has been a little too friendly, almost flirtatious around her father one too many times. Therefore the sports club girl came to the most logical conclusion and decided that the bitch must die. Yuna plans to strike as soon as she can figure out the perfect murder weapon and alibi or save enough money to hire Mana, whichever comes first.

3. Kazumi Asakura

Kazumi's initial dream was not to become an investigation reporter. As a child she read comic books and really wanted to become a superhero. The reporter thing was just meant to serve as a good secret identity. As she got older and realized that she had a real talent in journalism, the dream faded. However, Kazumi now does have a magical spying power and a ghost sidekick so every once in a while she does give pause and thinks.

4. Yue Ayase

While Yue is known to be highly intelligent she is also a young girl and young girls have been known to do silly things. For example, Yue has a clown fetish. Ever since she was a young girl on her first trip to the circus and was handed a juice box by a smiling white makeup face, she hasn't stopped thinking about them. Yue loves clowns and gets excited about everything involving them from their silly clothes to their funny antics. Yue has managed to keep the fetish under control except for a couple of times during class when she has fantasized about Negi wearing a wig, big sized clown shoes, and hardly anything else.

5. Ako Izumi

The story of how Ako got the scar on her back is a long and complicated one that would take several hours and multiple pages to fully explain. The main factors that contributed to it were a young girl, a kidnapping, a secret lair, an evil villain, said villain telling the girl that she was an ugly prisoner, a secret agent, a rescue attempt, heroic and villain dialogue banter, and a bet being made on whether or not the girl could outrun the deadly panther that lived in the lair's death pit. Ako still being alive today is proof that the agent won the bet, albeit barely.

6. Akira Okochi

Akira Okochi is a lesbian. It's nothing that she is ashamed of and despite not bringing it up, she is sure that her friends would understand and not treat her any differently. The only issue was when she developed a bit of a crush on her classmate Ako. This was ironically at the same time that Ako was completely infatuated with Nagi. Akira briefly toyed with the idea of tracking down this older boy and telling him to stay away from her turf. The plan was quickly dropped after she learned Nagi was really Negi due to the emotional stress that this would cause Ako as well as the fact that Negi could retaliate against her with detention and bad grades.

7. Misa Kakizaki

With clothing malfunctions pretty much becoming a daily occurrence within the classroom, someone was bound to take notice of it. That person was Misa Kakizaki and while she was embarrassed when it happened to her, she also took the occurrences as a sign. Misa took the loss of clothing as a sign that she was one day destined to become a professional stripper. The more she thought on it, the more Misa realized that this was the perfect career for her. Her body is flexible from being a cheerleader, she has a love for dressing up in various costumes and most importantly Negi would be the perfect gentleman to test her skills on when he gets a bit older.

8. Asuna Kagurazaka

Asuna is far more intelligent and knowledgeable then people give her credit for. In fact that is one of the reason she took on the part time of delivering newspapers. Every day she keeps a copy of the paper for herself and makes sure to read over every single article. As such, Asuna knows more about current events then anyone else in her class, even her teacher. Asuna's intelligence isn't obvious because that she tends to act first and doesn't want to look like a nerd. Sadly this knowledge doesn't help with her bad school grades since Mahora Academy's curriculum is twenty years outdated.

9. Misora Kasuga

Believe it or not, Misora has not always the perfect religious figure that she is today. A year ago, the girl began to doubt her beliefs and in turn began to fall in with the wrong crowd. She was lured into joining a soulless cult of pure evil called the church of Scientology. Misora was about to sign away her life and money to the organization when her friends stopped her with a timely intervention. After several passionate speeches and Cocone hitting her on the head with a bible enough times to cause brain damage, Misora's faith was restored and she returned to the true light.

10. Chachamaru Karakuri

Chachamaru's has a very large memory bank that can hold countless terabytes of data. At the moment 28% of that countless memory is being used to store dating sim computer games. When the robot girl started to realize that she had an attraction to her teacher, she also immediately realized that there would be a good deal of competition. Therefore she began to download the romance games in order to research about love and see what boys like. Chachamaru now has several love subroutine programs, including such classics as the tsundere and yandere modes, which she can use to adapt to any romantic situation with Negi.

11. Madoka Kugimiya

In her spare time aside from cheerleading, Madoka is also a bit of an aspiring writer. More precisely, she is an aspiring yaoi writer. Most of her stories are Final Fantasy VII fanfics starring Cloud and Sephiroth since they are the greatest one true pairing of all time. However Madoka does also have one truly original work. Spanning multiple chapters of epic length, it is a tale of two teachers, one old, one young and their friendship turned scandalous affair that happens each afternoon when class is over. Entitled 'A Lesson in Love', the main characters are named Tegi and Nakamichi. These characters and events are in no way based on anyone in real life according to Madoka's disclaimer.

12. Ku Fei

Ku Fei's father is none other then Jack Rakan. No, really. Years ago, Jack was wandering the real world looking for adventure when he happened to bump into a beautiful woman. The two talked, flirted and nine months later after a one night stand, everyone's favourite Chinese martial artist came into being. When Ku Fei saw Rakan for the first time, she immediately saw the family resemblance and meant to talk to him. Unfortunately she was distracted by everyone pressuring her to kiss Negi in order to get a pactio and ended up forgetting all about it.

13. Konoka Konoe

As much as Konoka cares and loves her precious Secchan, that was not actually her first crush. Years earlier Konoka had feelings for another person, someone who was brave, always spoke her mind no matter what, and was always there to cheer Konoka up after one of her grandfather's attempts to set her up with a fiancé. The young girl would have acted on her feelings but she realized that they would not be returned. Her crush preferred someone that was older and also male. Instead Konoka just accepted that her love for Asuna was not meant to be and happily declared that she would stay by her friend's side no matter what.

14. Haruna Saotome

When Haruna saw the magical world for the first time, she was amazed by all the sights and wonders of this new world. So much that she quickly decided to conquer it and rule over it herself. Since then the artist has spent countless nights sketching nightmarish creatures to serve as her foot soldiers. During the day she secretly sets up situations to get more girls attracted to Negi, her potential biggest threat, so he will be too distracted by hormones to stop her. The fact that her two best friends could end up landing the boy of their dreams is just another advantage for the future genius dictator.

15. Setsuna Sakurazaki

Setsuna has a few things that she disliked, Tsukyomi and guys flirting with Konoka near the top of the list. But there is one thing that the swordswoman hates and truly despises more then anything out. That is the vile substance of pure unstoppable evil better known to the unsuspecting masses as curry. Ever since the day that her precious Ojo-sama's tongue was burned by the vile food, Setsuna has sworn a blood oath that she will take her revenge on curry everywhere or die trying. On a side note, Setsuna will also send the occasional death glares over at Satsuki since she was the one who served the food to Konoka in the first place.

16. Makie Sasaki

Makie Sasaki is not real. Makie has never existed. She is nothing more then an alias, a fake name and fake identity to hide someone and keep them safe from harm. Makie is in fact the long lost mother of Negi Springfield who was made to forget about her former life and believe that she was a young girl interested in gymnastics via magical age deceiving pills, plastic surgery, and mental reprogramming. Sadly the programming might be too good as Makie has yet to realize that her feeling towards Negi are motherly and not the romantic type.

17. Sakurako Shiina

To put it simply, Sakurako is the richest person in the class. Her riches come from a gambling addiction that started off with a few sports bets to get extra shopping money and soon escalated to high stake poker games against corporate executives with millions on the line. She even owns the deed to a casino which she plans to run after she graduates from school. Sakurako even offered jobs at the place to her good friends Madoka and Misa. They both turned her down though figuring that she was joking just like the time she told them that her father was a secret agent.

18. Mana Tatsumiya

Many have speculated on how Mana developed her incredible sniper skills. Was she in some sort of black ops program as a child? Did it have to do with her pactio made with her mysterious former partner? Perhaps it is a mystical innate ability? The answer is actually much simpler. As a child Mana played shooting video games and developed her gun skills from countless hours and high scores. Mana still has several of the old gun game accessories although they have been redesigned to be a lot more deadly.

19. Chao Lingshen

When Chao threatened to reveal who Negi would end up marrying with a book of her family history, she was bluffing. It was a bluff that was necessary in order to guarantee the safety and stability of the future. None of the girls were ready at that point to learn the horrible truth: that after being around scantily clad girls all the time during his childhood, Negi would eventually get bored of the female form and decide to take a life of celibacy. Ironically when Chao said she was Negi's descendant that part was true. She just neglected to mention that it involved artificial insemination and that someday Negi would have some samples of his sperm stolen.

20. Kaede Nagase

Kaede is secretly the heir to the Koga ninja clan and with that there is a great task that only she can perform. Even since she was a little girl, Kaede has trained endless to become powerful enough for the task. The thoughts and prayers of her people are what drive her towards that fateful day. The day when Kaede must track down Masashi Kishimoto, kick his ass in a fight, and show him what a true ninja is thus restoring honour and respect to their title, de gozaru.

21. Chizuru Naba

One must have a soul in order to create a pactio. Therefore Chizuru Naba is automatically eliminated from the running. She has not had a soul for several years as she freely gave it away to her lord and master, the devil. Chizuru's fake kind and loving nature has helped lead countless innocents over to the side of lord Beelzebub. After all, it is always the one that you least expect.

22. Fuka Narutaki

Fuka Narutaki's secret involves her sister's origin. The truth is that Fumkia Narutaki is not the first person to have that name. The original Fumika passed away in childbirth immediately after Fuka was born. Her parents were devastated at losing one of their daughters. In their despair they turned to genetic cloning to create a new child from Fuka's DNA. Fuka learned the truth by accidently overhearing her parents talking about it but decided not to tell Fumika because she doesn't want her sister to think any less of herself.

23. Fumika Narutaki

Fumika Narutaki's secret involves her sister's origin. The truth is that Fuka Narutaki is not the first person to have that name. The original Fuka passed away in childbirth immediately before Fumika was born. Her parents were devastated at losing one of their daughters. In their despair they turned to genetic cloning to create a new child from Fumika's DNA. Fumika learned the truth by accidently overhearing her parents talking about it but decided not to tell Fuka because she doesn't want her sister to think any less of herself. However, she does secretly gloat that she is really the older sister when her twin is not nearby.

24. Satomi Hakase

If anyone asked the class of 3-A who has the biggest crush on their teacher, most would probably say Nodoka or Ayaka. They would be completely wrong as Satomi has even deeper affections for the boy mage. Intelligence is the biggest turn on for Satomi and a ten year cute teacher was too much for her heart to bear. Her adoration only increased when she learned how much of an accomplished mage Negi was. Sadly, Satomi has no confidence to admit her love to him amidst so many other cute girls competing for him. So for now Satomi will watch Negi from afar with the hidden cameras she installed in Chachamaru's body while perfecting her love beam ray gun.

25. Chisame Hasegawa

Chisame has the largest underwear collection in the classroom. A large portion of it is for the cosplay outfits she wears as Chiu but Chisame has increased her collection twice since then. The first time was when she learned about the existence of magic and calculated that 40% of all things magical involved females having their clothes destroyed. The second time was when she was in the magic world and started to constantly stay in the form of a small girl, something she actually enjoys quite a lot.

26. Evangeline A.K. McDowell

Evangeline's secret existed in a specific spot, a hidden room in a secret passage deep within her resort. By unfortunate luck, Chachazero accidently stumbled across the room one day and witnessed the horrible sight within. The doll was never the same; she would randomly cry or tremble and completely loss the urge to kill. It got so bad that Evangeline ended up having to cast a spell to erase Chachazero's memories. Just before the spell was cast, Chachazero tearfully asked why her master was an obsessed fan of Twilight. The only response the doll got was a cold emotionless stare.

27. Nodoka Miyazaki

Unbeknownst to the rest of the class, Nodoka has a small part time job. She actually serves as a love advice columnist under the secret identity of the Author of Affection. Thanks in part to Nodoka reading over every book involving romance and sex in the Mahora library, the Author of Affection has an incredible track record of giving near perfect advice and receives a ton of letters every week. Now if only Nodoka could be confident enough to use her knowledge in real life, then she wouldn't have to worry so much about the competition for Negi's heart.

28. Natsumi Murakami

As a young girl, Natsumi never liked the story of Little Red Riding Hood. The way she sees it, the wolf didn't do anything wrong. He was just desperately hungry for food and was brutally attacked by a hunter instead of anyone offering to help him. Whenever Natsumi sees Kotaro and wonders why she doesn't mind having the dog hanyo living with her, she thinks of that old story. She also uses these thoughts as an excuse for her conscience when she has inappropriate sexual dreams about the young boy.

29. Ayaka Yukihiro

Ayaka Yukihiro belongs to a family that is not only quite rich but filled with several practises and traditions going back decades. And no tradition is more important then the females of the family to learn the ancient art of being a dominatrix. When she has breaks from school, Ayaka is taught about all the techniques by her mother who learned from her mother before. Once is fully trained and certified, Ayaka plans to invite Negi as a guest to see her personal dungeon inside her home. She might also let Asuna come along and stay for a few days in order to get back at the girl for beating her in their last fight.

30. Satsuki Yotsuba

Satsuki Yotsuba is the ultimate evil mastermind behind everything. She is the one who made Nagi Springfield disappear and arranged for Negi's village to be attacked when he was a little boy. She has secretly been controlling the actions of people like Chao, Fate, Kurt Godel, and even Haruna. All these events and people are nothing more then minor ingredients in her recipe of doom. For now, Satsuki stays in the shadows occasionally tossing in a spice of interference when needed to make sure things go as planned. When the final conflict arrives she will strike and be unstoppable just like how no one is able to resist that delicious piece of pie even after being full from the main course.

31. Zazie Rainyday

Zazie Rainyday's secret is the greatest one of them all. Her favourite type of jam is orange marmalade.

* * *

Author's Note: Special thanks to both Nankotsu and Gash for helping me come with some of the crazy ideas for this thing. You guys are the best.


	2. Secrets Revealed

- 4, 31 -

Yue glanced back and forth as she slipped out of the store. She had to be careful. Her classmates always seemed to have the ability to pop out of nowhere and if even one of them turned up, they would want to know what she had in her shopping bag. A situation like that had to be avoided at all costs.

The coast seemed to be cleared so Yue rushed out of the store and promptly crashed into another shopper. Both people fell to the sidewalk dropping their shopping bags and having their contents spill out.

"I'm really sorry about that," Yue said as she pulled herself back up and looked at the other shopper, "Zazie?"

Panic formed on Yue's face as her eyes darted back and forth trying to find what she had just bought. But alas it was too late as Miss Rainyday had already picked up her 'Sexy Clowns of 2010' calendar and was flipping through it looking at the various pictures.

"I was buying it for a friend" Yue shouted out lamely.

A small jar rolled by her feet and Yue reached down to pick it up. She barely had time to look at the orange marmalade label before Zazie quickly grabbed it from her hand and put it back inside her shopping bag alongside her fourteen other jars of substance.

Zazie handed back the calendar and for a moment nothing was said as the two classmates just stared at each other. Yue was clearly worried judging by her facial expressions. Zazie also seemed a bit nervous despite the lack of any facial expressions at all. The silent girl pointed at Yue's calendar then back at her jars of jam and then shook her head no.

"Err…we never saw each other here?" Yue asked hopefully.

A thumbs up was enough confirmation for Yue to relax. She started to thank her classmate but then stopped as Zazie had already disappeared from sight heading for the nearest source of toast.

- 22, 23 -

"You're the clone"

"No I'm not. You're the clone"

"I am not. You are and I'm also the oldest"

"You wish. I'm the eldest"

"Am not"

"Are too"

What had started off a heart warming talk between twin sisters Fuka and Fukima had quickly changed into a Jerry Springer style debate with insults being thrown back and forth for twenty minutes and no actual progress being made. As the argument over which of them was artificially created dragged on, Fuka held up her hands to get her sister to stop.

"Look, I overheard mom and dad talking" The oldest until solid evidence could be presented to prove otherwise explained, "They clearly said that you were a clone"

"Well I overheard them too and I'm positive they said that you were the clone" Fukima insisted.

"That's it. I'm going to go call mom and ask her so we can we can get this shorted out. Wait here"

"Sure"

Fukima sat on the edge of her bed patiently waiting for her sister while daydreaming on how she would brag after being proven right. A good ten minutes passed before Fuka returned with a confused look on her face.

"Well, what did Mom say? Which one of us is right?" Her sister pressed.

"Err, both of us actually"

"What?"

Fuka began to explain, "We're both clones of the same baby. Apparently Mom and Dad had a two for one coupon for the cloning facility and thought that having twins would be more fun. Oh yeah, we were both grown in the same tube so we're also the exact same age"

Fukima was now as stunned as her sister was, "Wow. Didn't see that one coming"

"Yeah" Fuka nodded in agreement, "Hey, do you want to go get some lunch?"

Her clone sister's face immediately brightened, "Sure. Let's go"

- 1, 3 -

The robber panted as he turned another corner and went down another alleyway. Sweat was flowing through the openings of the man's ski mask as he had been running for a good half hour now. It should have been simple: Rob the store, run off with the money, and lose any cops chasing him in the maze like structure that was Mahora academy. Unfortunately, he hadn't figured on someone else being able to somehow keep up.

Just before the thief could reach the end of the alley, a floating silver camera zoomed in front of him cutting the path off "Damn it"

"Stop right there evildoer" A female voice yelled from behind causing the thief to glance back, "No matter how much you try to run and hide, the lens of truth and justice shall also zoom in on you with a perfect shot! Such is the power of the great and sexy heroic reporter Paparazzi!"

Paparazzi, also known as Kazumi Asakura in her secret identity, gave a heroic pose causing the thief to have a good look at the super heroine. A black eye mask covered her face concealing her identity and also matching the revealing black tank top that had a large golden P etched on it. Golden coloured shorts with a black belt and brown hiking shoes completed the lower half of the outfit. Paparazzi quickly whipped out a digital camera and used it to take a few shots of the upset robber.

The man laughed as he stared at the person who was clearly a teenager. "Look girlie, Halloween ended months ago. So why don't you move aside and go play with your dolls? Or do you think you can actually beat me?"

The thief quickly pulled out a switchblade knife and pointed it at her. Paparazzi just give it a brief look before grinning. "I don't need to fight you. That's what my sidekick is for. Go get him Ghost Girl!"

The thief was about to tell her that she was crazy and there was no one else there when a ghost appeared right before him. The man fell back in shock as Sayo Aisaka as let out a scream of rage.

"Those who insult Mother Nature might get a bit of rain on their head" Ghost Girl stated with pure fury while twirling a pencil with her hand, "But those who insult my best friend will suffer eternal pain and damnation"

Strong cold wind filled the alleyway as the thief tried to get away, "No, get back! You can't be real"

The pencil suddenly stopped spinning and shot forward towards one of the thief's exposed eyes, pointy end first.

- 13, 15 -

"Excuse me but do you serve curry here?"

It seemed like an innocent enough question and as such the waiter responded with a warm smile. "It's not one of our usual specials Miss. However I could check with the chef to see if he could whip some up for you"

"And why on earth would you want to do that?"

"Huh?" The waiter asked confused right before he found a hand grabbing him roughly by his collar and a sword was pressed against his neck.

"Why would you want to force such a thing upon us, to infect our nostrils with its stench, to poison our taste buds with its horrid texture?" Setsuna seethed as she was barely able to control her uncontrollable fury, "The only reason you would offer such a thing is if you were a torturer. No wait, you must an assassin. Admit it! Who sent you?"

The waiter was now panicking thinking he was about to lose his life while still being paid minimum wage. Before the cut could come, a gentle hand reached over and guided the sword arm away.

Konoka spoke in a gentle yet firm voice, "Secchan, stop. There is no curry here and the waiter didn't mean anything by his comment. Just sit back down and relax. The other customers are looking at us and you're making a scene"

That last comment wasn't completely accurate since most of the other people in the restaurant had fled at the sight of the sword. Still it seemed to work as Setsuna slowly sheathed her sword and sat back down at the table for two they were at.

"I'm sorry Ojo-sama. It's just that whenever I hear about that substance, I…"

"I know. Don't worry, the curry can't get us here" Konoka turned and gave the waiter an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry. She gets a little cranky when she is hungry. We'll just start with some water and breadsticks for now"

The waiter rushed back to get the appetizers after which he would quit and go into the career of professional grizzly bear wrestling since that was obviously a much more safer occupation.

"So what was the important thing you needed to talk to me about Ojo-sama?" Setsuna asked remembering why Konoka had asked her out to lunch in the first place.

A nervous look formed on the young girl's face. Konoka had been debating for a while how she should pose a certain question to her partner. Finally she decided the best way was just to be straight forward and say what was on her mind.

"Secchan, would it be okay with you if the two of us along with Asuna had a threesome?"

"Threesome?" Setsuna managed to the get the word out of her mouth before falling back off her chair. Konoka rushed over and saw that her pactio partner had fainted.

"Maybe I should have been a bit gentler"

At that moment, the waiter came back out from the kitchen with a very scared look on his face. "Excuse me, but I have an announcement. Due to our chef over hearing a suggestion from one of our customers, he has decided that this restaurant will now be an all you can eat curry buffet"

Konoka took a glance at Setsuna who was still unconscious albeit twitching slightly; she quickly decided the only appropriate thing would be to provide Secchan's regular reaction.

Konoka took a deep breath before screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

- 8, 29 -

Amidst the flickering torches of her underground dungeon, Ayaka stood confident and prepared. Gone was her usual school outfit, instead she was in a black leather cat suit, a true sign of someone who had completed the training and become a master dominatrix.

The usually well behaved student was now grinning wickedly at her very first victim.

"We've been down her for a few hours now. Are you ready to submit to me my pet?" she teased as she used a very real whip to strike her prisoner.

Asuna yawned as the whip struck her again. It wasn't that Ayaka wasn't hitting her, she really was. It was just that compared to the training and fights she had gone through these strikes were nothing and barely hurt. Truthfully, Asuna was more annoyed by the fact that her hands were shackled above her head preventing her from scratching her itchy nose.

"This is all wrong iincho"

"What are you talking about? I've have the best tutors and they all agree my stance and whipping skills are top notched"

"I meant how you are contributing yourself to a downward spiral in your life with these actions"

"…Come again?"

"Let me explain. Recent studies show that females are still taken much less seriously despite the more gender equal opportunities that exist in today's world. It has to do with the random times that our clothing gets destroyed. Since it happens to us and not males, it presents a negative stereotype to 65% of the common people. It is the same negativity that exists in this hobby of yours. Look at yourself class rep. You're young, beautiful, smart, and come from a family with a great deal of influence. You have all the makings to be a great success in whatever career you decide to pursue. But what if someone found out about these games of yours and revealed it to the public? It would be an immediate scandal with the normal 15 minutes of fame. What then? You could write tell all book but you would still be ruined and have nothing left after it. The only thing this is doing is creating a second glass ceiling on your rise to the top"

"Are you finished?" Ayaka asked impatiently tapping her high heel boot.

Asuna thought for a moment. "Zekkou Robotics has made some great business deals in the last financial quarter. Your family should invest in their stocks if they haven't already done so"

"I'll mention it to my parents. Right after you admit that I'm your mistress and beg for mercy!"

"Fine" Asuna grumbled, "You're my mistress oh great iincho. Please spare me"

"Come on. You need to put some real feeling into it"

- 2, 7, 17 -

Shizuna lightly knocked on the dean's office door before letting herself in. "Sir, we have received notice that there could be a potential danger on the campus and…what the hell?"

As expected Konoemon Konoe was at his desk. What wasn't expected was class 3-A student Misa Kakizaki standing in front of desk dressed in her cheerleader outfit. Well technically half of her cheerleader outfit since Misa was currently naked from the waist up.

Misa was in the process of sliding down her skirt when she heard the door open. She immediately spun around holding her arms over her chest. "Umm hi there"

"Now Shizuna, this is not what it looks like" Konoemon said quickly

"You have a female student inside your office stripping for you!"

The dean stroked his beard "Alright, it is what it looks like. But, please hear me out"

Any more angry objections from the teacher were brought to a halt as she collapsed on the floor face first. Both Misa and Konoemon stared in shock at the unmoving Shizuna noticing that there was now a dart sticking out of her butt. At that moment Yuna coincidently ran into the room.

"Oh no" she cried out in a voice that would easily win an Oscar for over acting, "Someone has shot this hussy…I mean teacher with a tranquilizer dart. Don't worry, I'll get her to the nurse's office so I can finish her…I mean keep her safe from harm"

Yuna quickly grabbed Shizuna's legs and dragged her out of the office and out into the hallway.

"Yuna, the nurse's office is in the other direction" Misa called out.

"I'm taking a shortcut" Yuna shouted back.

Silence followed as the dean and stripper looked at one another.

"Maybe we should end your lesson a bit early today" Konoemon finally suggested.

"Right" Misa said as she picked up her shirt and slipped it back on.

"Don't worry my dear. While you are still young, I sense great potential in your stripping abilities"

"Thank you Dean Konoe. So, what should we do about Yuna?"

"Pretend that we never saw her. Trust me, years of experience have taught me that a cover up is always the best option"

"Excuse me Dean Konoe," Sakurako said as she calmly strolled in the room, "I was wondering if you could sign this document in order to guarantee my silence"

Sakurako quickly passed the document over and Konoemon started to look over it. "What is it?"

The cheerleader smiled at him, "It's just a contract that gives me the right to legalize gambling in our classroom"

The old man sighed as he signed the piece of paper. "You know back in my day we did not need contracts. A man's word was good enough for blackmail"

- 18, 20 -

Kaede leapt back as a bullet struck the ground where she had just been standing a split second. She was outside the corporate office building where her target was in hiding. But it seemed like she was expected considering the familiar adversary in front of her.

"Mana"

"Kaede" Mana replied back as she slung her sniper rifle back over her shoulder.

"You're in Kishimoto's back pocket now?" Kaede asked with a frown, "I thought you had some honour"

"You got to go where the big bucks are. Besides how could I pass up a chance to finish off our little battle? Believe it!" Mana grimaced as a small bit of her dignity was lost forever. "They agreed to pay me extra if I used that phrase"

Kaede lifted her large shuriken and got ready to throw it at the sniper. "I'm not going to hold back" she warned.

"Same here" Mana shot back as she pulled a white and red coloured gun out of her pocket that looked like it was made of plastic.

"A toy light gun? Are you planning to challenge me to a video game de gozaru?"

"Nope. This gun has actually been redesigned to fire a hypnotic beam. One hit and you will be a diehard obsessed Naruto fangirl forever"

"Bastard!" Kaede spat out as she dived for cover.

"Just try to fly away little duck" Mana said as she took careful aim and fired.

- 5, 6, 24 -

Satomi sighed as she stared at the video on her computer screen. It was a replay of the final battle between Negi and Chao, one of her personal favourites of her hunky teacher.

"Negi So perfect, so brave, so cunning, and so soon to be mine" the scientist whispered to herself.

As the video came to an end Satomi shut down her computer. She could have kept watching that video all day long, and had done so in the past, but today there were more important things to do. Walking to a nearby table she pulled a sheet off of it to reveal a large sophistic laser gun underneath it. It was Satomi's personal Capture Negi's Heart Forever Blaster 3.0 and while the name still needed work the device did not. After months of hard work it was ready to be used. Now Satomi just had to wait for her volunteer so she could do one last test before using it for herself.

"Akira, I really don't like it here. It looks a lot like an evil lair"

"It's okay Ako. Satomi just needs us for a little experiment. It will only take a few minutes"

Satomi smiled as Akira and Ako stepped into her laboratory. "Thank you for both coming here ladies. This experiment is going to be very important for both the fields of science and romance and would not be possible without your aid"

"Doesn't that sound great Ako?" Akira asked who was already fully aware of Satomi's device and was more then happy to go along with the experiment.

"I guess so" Ako said slowly, "What do we have to do?"

"All you have to do is look straight into Akira's eyes and not move for the next minute or some. Remember, it is absolutely vital you do not look at anything else while I prepare the device"

Ako turned and faced Akira. The athletic girl could see that her friend was still nervous so she reached and gently grasped Ako's hands.

"It's alright Ako-chan. I promise to protect you from harm no matter what. This will be over in a second and then the two of us can go skinny dipping"

"I thought that you wanted to go for just a regular swim?" Ako asked confused.

"That's what I said. Swimming"

"Sorry, I'm just not myself today. This place does seem like an evil lair but I guess its not. Besides, it not like this place has a panther here, right Satomi?"

"Of curse not" Satomi said causally as the blaster in her hand began to charge up, "The genetics lab might have one but don't worry. They're on the other side of the building so we always get plenty of warning if one of their test subjects escape"

"Escape?" Ako cried out with panic filled eyes as she turned and looked at the scientist at the same moment that Satomi pulled the trigger.

A huge flash filled the room blinding everyone. As the light began to fade, Akira began to rub her eyes trying to see what had happened.

Did it work Satomi? Are you there Ako-chan? Do you love me now?"

As her vision was restored, Akira came across a nightmarish sight. Satomi was on the ground her blaster off to the side and Ako was on top of the girl straddling her.

"I love you Satomi-chan. I want to be with you forever" Ako slurred out.

"It worked!" Satomi cried out triumphantly, "The experiment might not have gone exactly as planned but my device still worked!"

"That's nice" Akira said dryly, "Now hurry up and reverse the effect"

"About that, I didn't actually design a way to reverse the effect of my blaster. I didn't see any need for it" Satomi explained with a nervous laugh just as Ako tried to rip the girl's shirt off.

- 26 -

Chachazero tentatively knocked on her master's closed and locked bedroom door.

"What?" Evangeline's cold voice replied after a moment

"Master, Satomi Hakase just called. She was inquiring if you might have any spells or potions to counteract someone being madly in love with you to the point that they won't stop trying to rape you"

There was a brief silence before Evangeline angrily shouted through the door. "Even if I did have something like that, why would I freely give it away? And don't disturb me again Chachazero. I'm in the middle of a very delicate demonic ritual to gain enough power to break free of this academy and take my revenge on all my enemies"

"Right, sorry Master"

A short time later a nervous Chachazero was knocking on the door once more, "Master I know you said not to bother you but little sister Chachamaru has gone missing and…"

"I don't care!" Eva roared, "What part of demonic ritual didn't you understand?"

"Sorry!" Chachazero cried as she ran as fast as her small legs could take her.

Evangeline gave a hard glare at the closed door with a silent vow that the next person to interrupt her would be immediately killed. Leaning back on a large pile of pillows on her bed the vampire stared at a large high definition TV and quickly hit a button on her remote to resume her all time favourite movie.

"Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk."

"Drunk?"

"You're intoxicated by my very presence."

"That scene always moves me" Eva remarked as a single tear slid down her face.

Albireo Imma was sitting on a corner of the bed openly sobbing, "Me too Kitty. Me too" he said while using a handkerchief to blow his nose.

- 9, 21, 28 -

Natsumi stared. She knew it was wrong but she couldn't stop herself. Kotaro was currently stretched out across the couch in their dorm room asleep while also being noticeably shirtless. As Natsumi looked over the impressive muscles on the ten year old, she recalled having a dream just like this except for the fact that in the dream she was sleeping with the dog boy. Before she could consider turning fantasy into reality, a voice interrupted her.

"Natsumi, you're not having inappropriate sexual thoughts about your little brother, are you?" Chizuru asked calmly.

"What? Don't say things like that Chizuru. I would never do something like that" Natsumi said as she turned around clearly embarrassed. The girl desperately looked for something to change the topic of the conversation with, "Chizuru, why are you wearing a business suit?"

Chizuru smiled as she adjusted her tie a bit, "It's a new look I'm trying out. But seriously Natsumi, if you really want to be with Kotaro, I can help you"

"I really don't know what you're taking about Chizuru" Natsumi said nervously.

"Of course you do. You are in love with the little puppy so much that you keep moaning his name out in your sleep. But there are so many taboos with a relationship between the two of you. He's too young not to mention he's part demon. What if I told you my master could change that? He could make you younger, he could make Kotaro older. He could make you part dog demon. He could even turn both of you into dogs if that's what you prefer"

"That can't be possible" Natsumi said in a whisper.

Chizuru's eyes began to glow red as she leaned in closer and whispered sweetly into Natsumi's ear, "Anything is possible with my master. How do you think I ended up with the largest breasts in our class? All you dreams can come true Natsumi and all it will take is one tiny little donation of your soul. Doesn't that sound like a fair trade?"

Before Natsumi could respond, a loud banging was heard and the door to their room was kicked open. Misora stormed into the room dressed in her nun outfit with a large wooden cross in her hands.

"Get away from her Natsumi. And don't listen to a word that she says. Chizuru is actually an agent of the devil and is evil incarnate"

As Natsumi stepped to the side, Chizuru smiled at their unexpected guest. "Good afternoon Misora. Would you like some tea?"

"I would rather you be banished from the face of the earth demon" Misora pulled out a small bottle and splashed the clear liquid inside of it over Chizuru's face. "Take this"

Misora stood there waiting for a reaction but none came. Chizuru just stood there as the liquid slid down her face. Wiping a drop from her chin she placed it on her lips tasting it,

"This is vinegar not holy water" she explained.

"Crap. I must have grabbed the wrong bottle"

"My master could help you as well Misora"

Misora quickly held her cross up in front of her as a shield, "Stay away from me. There is nothing that you can tempt me with that I wasn't previously tempted with by hunky Tom Cruise!"

"What if I could guarantee that you would never end up being stripped ever again?"

Misora took a nervous step back. "You're lying"

Chizuru moved closer forcing Misora to keep moving back until she hit the wall. "It's true. A special set of clothing that is protected against any sort of strong wind, magical spell, strip beam, or pervert out there. You're quite the blossoming beauty Misora. Wouldn't you like a guarantee to have your modesty protected from now on?"

"No I can't…"

"Did I mention that the clothes would be made out of the finest silks?"

The cross slipped from Misora's fingers and fell to the floor with a light clatter. "Could I get more then one outfit?" the nun asked weakly.

"You can have an entire wardrobe" Chizuru promised, "Well girls I need to head off to the daycare to wrap up a few deals with the kids. Here's my card, give me a call later and we can set up a lunch date to work out the finer details of your contracts"

Chizuru handed Natsumi her business card before walking out the door, eyes still glowing red. Natsumi took a brief look at the sleeping Kotaro and then back at the card admiring its design.

"Wow. The flames on it look so life like"

- 14, 27 -

"I'm very disappointed in you Nodoka" Haruna said calmly as she looked at her struggling roommate, "I didn't think you would be such a little snoop"

Try as she could Nodoka was completely helpless. The tentacles that Haruna had drawn and used to attack her were too strong. They were wrapped around her arms and legs and were suspending her in mid air in her dorm room. Cries for help had gone unanswered so Nodoka was forced to reason with her fellow library club member.

"I'm really sorry Haruna. I was just looking to borrow one of your books. I didn't mean to see her folder full of plans to conquer the magical world. Honest. But please let me go. I promise not to tell anyone about this"

"You would do that for me?" Haruna asked touched by her friend's sincerity.

"Of course, we're best friends after all"

"Hmm…" Haruna snapper her fingers and a spare tentacle carried over Nodoka's artifact to her. She opened the book and began to read her roommate's thoughts out loud.

"Paru-chan has gone totally bonkers! It must be because she has read too much manga lately and forgot to take her pills again. Once I trick her into letting me go, I need to go warn Negi and everyone else right away"

The book was slammed shut and Haruna glared up at the shy bookworm, "Best friends, huh?"

Nodoka began to struggle against the tentacles once more. "You won't get away with this. Negi-sensei will come and rescue me!"

Haruna let loose an evil laugh "That's only if he notices that you are gone Honya-chan. No wait, I'm sorry. Would you rather I call you little Miss Author of Affection instead?"

"You knew?" Nodoka gasped.

"Of course I did. Yue realized it as well. Frankly it was kind of hard not to notice since you receive about 50 letters every week"

"Oh" Nodoka said as she realized that in hindsight she should have set up a different mailing address.

"Anyway, since you know my little secret, I'll have to keep you out of the way until I'm finished my conquest. Don't worry; it should only be about another 4 to 6 months. In the meantime I'll create an evil version of you so nobody will realize you're missing. Evil Nodoka can even write your little column for you and probably has some great ideas for it"

A quick sketch and Nodoka's dark copy was standing by her master cackling like a witch.

"Don't bother with talking in a relationship, skip right to the sex. Cheating on your significant other is only bad if you get caught. The best love making techniques will be revealed right after I test them all on Negi-sensei!"

"No please not that" Nodoka begged.

Haruna responded with a cruel smile. "Well I need to head off and create some generals so I'll check up on you later Nodoka. Come along Evil Nodoka"

"Can I flirt shamelessly with every single boy I see?" Evil Nodoka asked.

"I don't see why not"

As the two girls left and the door slammed shut behind them, Nodoka began to weep. Her tears flowed for the sake of her reputation, the countless relationships that her evil counterpart could ruin, and the fear of what was going to happen to Negi-sensei. And oh yes also for the danger the magical world was facing. The tears did not stop even when the tentacles got bored and started tickling the poor girl non-stop.

- and the rest... -

In his young life Negi Springfield had found himself in hot water in the past. Although he had to admit this was the first time he was literally in hot water. The boy mage wasn't sure how it happened. One second he been eating some lunch, the next second he was waking up tied up in a large cauldron of boiling water with only his boxer shorts on. It was definitely going to be one of those days.

Negi looked around noticing that the cauldron seemed to be set up in some sort of empty warehouse. Even though most the area was dark Negi could notice a few magical runes and symbols etched into the floor. The design looked complex but before he could study it the sound of footsteps drew his attention.

"I'm glad that you woke up Negi-sensei," A voice called out from the shadows, "I would be disappointed if you missed my final victory"

"Satsuki?" Negi cried out in shock as his student stepped out of the shadows dressed in her usual chef outfit, "What are you doing here?"

Satsuki smiled back before explaining, "You're the final piece in a very complex plan that will enable me to gain unlimited power in order to conquer everything"

"Wait a second…you're evil?"

"That's right. Sorry I couldn't tell you sooner but it would have ruined the surprise"

"Why are you doing this?"

"My reasons are my own. Let me explain the peril you're in. I'm sure that you already noticed the seal design on the floor Negi. What is happening is that this cauldron is slowing draining your magical energy and transferring it into me. Once the pot reaches a certain temperature, you will be completely drained of all your power you have as the son of the thousands master. At the point a ripple effect will get kick in with your pactio partners. Not only will I drain any magical energy and abilities they have, I will also gain control of every single one of their pactio abilities as well. At that point, I will have so much power that I will be unstoppable. It is certainly a good thing I gave your friend Chamo the hypnotic suggestion of getting you to have as many pactio partners as possible"

Negi suddenly realized that his magic was weaker then it usually was. He quickly started to chant an incantation.

"I wouldn't do that Negi" Satsuki interrupted him, "Unless you want the risk the lives of some of your students and partners"

A spotlight flashed on the side of the warehouse revealing four teenage girls also tied up in their underwear. Negi gasped as he easily recognized all of them.

"Chachamaru! Ku Fei! Chisame! Madoka?"

"Hi Negi-sensei" the third of the cheerleader trio called out. "I accidently ran into Satsuki while she was kidnapping the other girls so she had to take me along too. Don't worry, I won't tell anybody about this mage stuff"

"Thank you Madoka" Negi replied back politely.

"You're welcome. Say do you mind if I use this situation for the next chapter of my story? It would be perfect. Tegi and Nakamichi have a dinner date set up but then Tegi gets kidnapped by a deranged chef and Nakamichi has to come to his rescue. I'll call it 'Dinner Date of Doom' and…"

Satsuki suddenly slammed a meat bun into Madoka's mouth effectively gagging her. "I don't want to have the chapter spoiled" she explained.

Madoka nodded her head in understanding.

Satsuki moved along the row of prisoners coming to Chisame next. "Do you like the lingerie the girls have on Negi? They all came from Chisame's personal collection"

"That's a lie!" Chisame screamed her face bright red due to being angry and also embarrassed at being seen dressed in the white teddy she currently had on.

"I have video evidence that proves otherwise"

A presentation of the short film 'Satsuki's panty raid' later…

"Damn you" Chisame said as she lowered her head in shame.

Next to her Ku Fei was desperately trying to free herself of the ropes around her body. Still after an hour, she was nowhere closer to freedom.

Satsuki glanced over at her. "It's no use Ku Fei. I made your bonds extra strong considering that you are the illegitimate daughter of Jack Raken"

Looks of disbelief came from everyone in the room along with Madoka's muffled voice asking who that was.

"You're that broken character's daughter?" Chisame asked, "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

A dazed look formed on Ku Fei's face "…I forgot"

Before Chisame could comment on the obvious stupidity, a series of sparks came out of the final prisoner drawing everyone's attention.

"Chachamaru! Are you alright?" Negi cried out.

Chachamaru turned her head slowly towards her teacher. "I'm sorry Negi-sensei, Satsuki managed to get grilled cheese into my circuits. All my weapon capabilities are currently offline. At this point in the story as the player you have three paths you can choose from. You can confess your feelings to me, you can plead for my life offering yours to the captor instead, or you can insult the captor which in turn could cause more torture to be inflicted on to me. Please choose wisely"

Negi was silent and after a moment of thought wisely choose none of the above. "Please don't do this Satsuki. I can't believe that you're evil. You always seemed so nice in class.

Satsuki gave her teacher a blank look "You know Negi-sensei, I'm one of the few people in our class that has their future planned out. I'm a highly skilled chef and an evil master planner. I have known about magic for years and have never exposed the secret. I never overreact when I get stripped and I never tried to molest you like a good number of my classmates. All this and the only thing you can come up with is that I'm nice? No offence Negi-sensei but calling me nice is more of an insult then anything"

Pulling a small cutting knife from her apron, Satsuki walked over and calmly slashed off one of Chachamaru's bra straps. A sad look formed on the robot's face as the green garment slipped a bit lower down on her chest.

"I see sensei. You have chosen that path for the story"

Satsuki was just about to deliver another villain one liner when her keen cooking nose picked up the scent of something burning. She stepped to the side just a blast of fire magic went shooting by her.

"Hands off my fiancé bitch!"

A small red hair girl in a witch's hat and robe quickly landed protectively in front of the cauldron. Negi face brightened as she recognized the figure right away.

"Anya" Negi cried out at the sight of his long time friend followed by, "Fiancé!?"

"Fiancé!?" the rest of the prisoners echoed.

"Nekane owed me some money so I convinced her to give me your hand in marriage instead to pay off the debt" Anya quickly explained, "Don't worry my husband. I'm here to protect you now!"

Satsuki stared at Anya for a moment before pulling out a strange pocket watch, "Hmm, a close friend or ally of the hero showing up the last possible second with a dramatic entrance in order to save the day. How completely unpredictable"

"Wait, is that a Cassiopeia?" Negi asked as he recognized the device.

Nine seconds of insane time warping later…

"Yes it is Negi-sensei" Satsuki replied as she finished tying Anya up and placed her in the boiling pot alongside Negi, "I don't really need your magic energy Anya but then again a little extra seasoning never hurt"

"You won't get away with this!" Anya screamed.

Satsuki quickly placed another meat bun inside Anya's mouth. "Actually I've planned for every possible occurrence so I will. By the way Anya, I hope that pink underwear I dressed you up in isn't too tight. Chisame's loli collection were the only ones that would fit you"

"Would you shut up about that already?" Chisame yelled.

"Would you prefer to be naked?" Satsuki asked causing the computer expert to quickly go quiet, "Well the transfer of power will be done in a few minutes. Do you have any last heroic words Negi-sensei?"

By this point Negi was too weak from the energy drain and could barely stay awake let alone speak.

"You don't? Well, that's too bad. But to show there are no hard feelings, all of you are invited to my victory feast"

"You might want to hold off on that reservation" A voice called out just as Satsuki was hit by a pink beam of magic and blasted into a nearby wall.

A moment passed and Satsuki got back up brushing the dust off her clothes. For the first time since enacting her end game, the chef was surprised. The attacker was calmly standing in front of her dressed in a leotard with a wand in one hand and a pink gymnastic ribbon in the other.

"What are you doing here Makie?"

Makie calmly smiled back at her, "I'm here to put an end to your evil once and for all"

"I was unaware that you had officially become one of Negi's partners," Satsuki suddenly paused after she said that. The magic coming off Makie was strong, much too strong for her to be a partner. It was also a magic energy that Satsuki had felt long ago. Her eyes widened as realization finally set in, "Mrs. Springfield?"

"I glad to see that you remember me, you fast food worker reject"

A frown formed on Satsuki's face "I though I arranged for you to be eliminated years ago"

Makie's smile faded "Guess again. Mama's back bitch!"

"Whey does everyone keep calling me that?" Satsuki asked right before Makie tackled her.

One insane epic level awesome fight that made Negi versus Ku Fei's dad look like two kittens fighting over a ball of yarn later…

Makie carefully lifted her son out of the pot and untied the ropes on him. She had already freed the other girls who were currently trying to locate their missing clothes.

Negi was still very weak due to the spell so he could barely make out who was in front of him. "Makie? You saved us?"

"I would prefer that you call me Mommy from now on dear" Makie replied as she gave her son a hug.

"Okay…"

"So you actually think that you have won?"

Makie turned and glared at Satsuki who was currently on the floor hogtied by her ribbon. "You be quiet"

Satsuki just smiled calmly at the small girl. "I just thought I should tell you that you arrived too late to stop my backup plan. See I added an extra ingredient in that boiling water, one that would take effect after just a couple of minutes. I hate to inform me but as of right now, you precious son is now sterile for the rest of his life. I hope you didn't want to have grandkids that badly mom"

"No!" Every other female cried out as they glared over at the chef.

"Hey don't be that upset. It wasn't like he was planning to do it anyway"

A flash of light appeared in the room and when it was gone Chao was suddenly in the room with them. The girl looked and was dressed exactly like she was before she had left after the festival with her torn outfit and hair down. The time traveling Martian quickly fell to her knees and began sobbing hysterically while looking at Satsuki.

"It's gone, all gone. My timeline…my future…it's been complete erased from existence. How could you Satsuki? You were my friend. I trusted you…you said you wouldn't tell anyone…so why did you destroy my future?"

Satsuki just glanced over Chao and with a completely unsympathetic look and began to laugh at her. "You are wondering why I broke my promise. It's actually quite simple my old friend. Remember when I said that all my desserts were low fat? Well just like the piece of chocolate cake I served you then, I lied!"

Even when the other mage teachers finally got around to doing their job and came to take Satsuki away, she was still laughing. It was a dry hollow sound, one of pure malice that sounded as though it had won and not lost at all. It would haunt the dreams of all those present and they would all recognize it as the scariest thing they had ever experienced.

Reading the next chapter of Madoka's story which came out a few days later was a very close second.


End file.
